A humbling experience (Part 1)

The last 2 weeks have been a really difficult week for me. Though we had lots of fun going out with our new cell, I also had a hard time coping with my own attitude and submission issues. Again. Yup I'm still learning.

A few months back, I had a big argument with lao gong.

"But I thought you wanted to be a submissive wife?"

Yup that's the problem. If I'm really submissive how come I can't approach our issues properly without being a quarrelsome wife?

The problem is that though I wanna be submissive, I can't manage my emotions well. I can only submit when I'm happy or when lao gong does what I think he should. But when I strongly disagree with something, my emotion takes over and you can tell I'm not the least bit submissive by the tone I use when I talk to him or the type of tantrums I throw.

During the quarrel, lao gong said, "You have to learn how to manage your emotions! You have to stop allowing your emotions to control your behavior!"

Of course during the quarrel I refused to admit that I had allowed my emotions to control me instead of me controlling my emotions. I refused to talk to him and just went to sulk in a corner by myself.

After I've cooled down enough and lao gong was asleep, I asked God, "God, do I really have a problem?"

I didn't hear anything. I couldn't cos at that time, my emotions were still in control. I still had resentment in me and that made my spirit insensitive to God's voice. So I went online to surf abit and dropped in on Joyce Meyer's website, which I don't usually do. That was the 1st or the second time I dropped in.

And the online sermon for that day was "Managing Your Emotions."

I was truly like, "Oh my God."

As I listened to the short 15min sermon, what Joyce Meyer described seemed exactly like what I felt very often. And she mentioned that most people have a problem managing their emotions. That our faith and spiritual walk at many times is ruled by our emotions, how we feel about ourselves rather than what we know the bible says.

Ok I gotta go start tuition. con't my story in the next entry.