The issue of submission

I was just thinking about the little girl issue. I was wondering why is it that I feel happier when I’m in the “little girl” mood. And why lao gong seems particularly sayang towards me when I’m in the mood.

I think it’s because when I’m in the little girl frame of mind, my posture is very ready to submit to the authority of God and my husband. It’s not losing my opinions, my way of thinking or my character. But rather being in a state that is willing to submit, ready to surrender everything, even some viewpoints that I hold very strongly about.

I think that’s a very good frame of mind to be in. When I’m in that frame of mind, I automatically feel loved and radiant. Because I’m very appreciative of everything God and lao gong has given me. And lao gong gets drawn to this radiance and becomes more tender and loving towards me. So it’s like a cycle of blessings that keep overtaking each other.

The problem is my little girl moods are not stable. Sometimes it goes off and I become ugly. When my mouth twists and my eyes turn hard and I give him the “I just sense it and I’m not going to change my mind no matter what you say!” kind of look. It’s true. Everytime I’m in the little girl mood I’m happy. It’s when I feel offense, anger, resentment or bitterness that I don’t feel that joy within me. And that kills the little girl within me.

Ephesians 5: 25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Today I got a scolding from lao gong again cos for a moment when we talked about this particular person, I slipped into ugliness and became that hard person that totally wasn’t reflective of my position as a woman of God. Lao gong says I’ve become much more gentle than in the past. But there’s still a stain in me and he urged me to get rid of the stain. I asked him how and he said by prayer. But he stressed that it also takes effort to resist the urge to give in to emotions and to seek God even in the midst of situations when you feel your emotions rising.

Oh man I feel so excited about the change that’s going to take place in my life if I can really allow God to fully work in me and change me into the beautiful woman of God that radiates the love of Jesus Christ on my face. Haha so excited!!!