Hi I’m back from church camp! Which explains why I’ve been MIA for so many days. I had a really good time and so many things happened I dunno where to start from. Maybe I’ll break the stories down by category then it’ll help to clear my thoughts.
Wifey business
Remember I was supposed to update you on my quest to be my hubbi’s crown? Well the past few days before the camp I was really struggling a lot. It seemed like the more I tried, the more I seemed to go wrong. everyday kena lecture from hubbi. Not long ones, just those 15-min kind. He kept asking me what’s my problem and I really didn’t know. It’s really weird. I don’t really know where I went wrong but I know I did say something with a “not nice” tone or some words that weren’t very constructive. As the days went by, it worsened and I started feeling like no matter how hard I tried I can’t seem to be doing right.
Then on Sat, the day before church camp we had a 3-hour session with Mike Connell, the camp speaker. He’s the senior pastor of Bay City Outreach Centre, New Zealand. Ok anyway there was a session on prophetic ministry, where people will release words for each other through what the Holy Spirit reveals to them. A lady came to minister to me and when she held my hand, she told me she felt a strong sense of anxiety in me like there was a lot of rushing thoughts in my head. Halfway through praying for me, she sensed a spirit of rejection in me and I burst into tears when she prayed for me.
I was quite shocked by my tears n her revelation. I mean hubbi loves me so much n does so many things for me why on earth would I have this spirit of rejection in me? As I shared with hubbi, initially he felt very sad cos he felt that he must have been a bad husband otherwise y would I feel rejected. Then as we talked about it, he told me that I had felt rejected cos I tried very hard to b a good wife but it all seemed to go wrong. then he explained to me that to b a good wife, I can’t rely on my own methods and ways cos it would b very tiring and if I make a lot of effort but in the end still do things wrongly, I would start to feel very discouraged. He explained to me that to be a good wife doesn’t take effort in the human sense but takes a lot of reliance on God, trusting Him and listening, waiting upon Him and acting upon what He says. He also explained that during this period of discouragement, the spirit of rejection then crept up upon me and unknowingly I had allowed it a gateway into me.
All the revelation and tears did me good…at least I know better what’s going on within me, but yet I still didn’t feel completely healed…like still quite confused as to what to do cos I still sense that the attitude hasn’t really changed somehow.
Den something happened at the camp. I felt God touch me in a deep way, a very quiet kind of way. It was as though finally the perseverance has paid off cos I felt that my faith n trust in Him has gone up to a new level.
When a girl got delivered and was screaming on the floor, the old me would have gotten quite afraid and stayed as far away from her as possible. But that didn’t happen that day at the camp. I felt a certain peace and calmness in me and I just naturally drew near to her and laid hands on her and prayed for her. Even as she continued screaming, I didn’t flinch but instead leaned even nearer to her and started whispering and releasing words into her ear. And know what? She stopped screaming and a blissful smile appeared on her face! Clearly God's hand was at work within both of us!
Many other “smaller” incidents took place that revealed to me that I wasn’t the same me as in the past. Then I realized that I didn’t say anything that upsetted lao gong anymore too! N I finally understood what was wrong. I kept thinking I was close to God cos I did my quiet time regularly but really there wasn’t that very deep communicating kind of relationship with Him. During the church camp, when my faith n my relationship with Him deepened, my relationship and communication with lao gong turned out fine too!
So now I know I really really need to seek Him every day, every minute and trust in Him. It’s easy to have a good relationship with Him at the camp but to maintain it when I come back to Singapore with its many distractions is the difficult part. I pray that the changes I experienced at church camp would be a permanent one, and God will continue to do His work in me, to continue changing and molding me and build my faith in Him to the next level. When we broke camp, Ivy came and told me that God will bring the work that He has started in me to completion. I want to hold on to that and believe that God was using her to speak to me and affirm me. Hope this long story didn’t bore u. ok I need to go. will update on the other aspects and photos another day!
Wifey business
Remember I was supposed to update you on my quest to be my hubbi’s crown? Well the past few days before the camp I was really struggling a lot. It seemed like the more I tried, the more I seemed to go wrong. everyday kena lecture from hubbi. Not long ones, just those 15-min kind. He kept asking me what’s my problem and I really didn’t know. It’s really weird. I don’t really know where I went wrong but I know I did say something with a “not nice” tone or some words that weren’t very constructive. As the days went by, it worsened and I started feeling like no matter how hard I tried I can’t seem to be doing right.
Then on Sat, the day before church camp we had a 3-hour session with Mike Connell, the camp speaker. He’s the senior pastor of Bay City Outreach Centre, New Zealand. Ok anyway there was a session on prophetic ministry, where people will release words for each other through what the Holy Spirit reveals to them. A lady came to minister to me and when she held my hand, she told me she felt a strong sense of anxiety in me like there was a lot of rushing thoughts in my head. Halfway through praying for me, she sensed a spirit of rejection in me and I burst into tears when she prayed for me.
I was quite shocked by my tears n her revelation. I mean hubbi loves me so much n does so many things for me why on earth would I have this spirit of rejection in me? As I shared with hubbi, initially he felt very sad cos he felt that he must have been a bad husband otherwise y would I feel rejected. Then as we talked about it, he told me that I had felt rejected cos I tried very hard to b a good wife but it all seemed to go wrong. then he explained to me that to b a good wife, I can’t rely on my own methods and ways cos it would b very tiring and if I make a lot of effort but in the end still do things wrongly, I would start to feel very discouraged. He explained to me that to be a good wife doesn’t take effort in the human sense but takes a lot of reliance on God, trusting Him and listening, waiting upon Him and acting upon what He says. He also explained that during this period of discouragement, the spirit of rejection then crept up upon me and unknowingly I had allowed it a gateway into me.
All the revelation and tears did me good…at least I know better what’s going on within me, but yet I still didn’t feel completely healed…like still quite confused as to what to do cos I still sense that the attitude hasn’t really changed somehow.
Den something happened at the camp. I felt God touch me in a deep way, a very quiet kind of way. It was as though finally the perseverance has paid off cos I felt that my faith n trust in Him has gone up to a new level.
When a girl got delivered and was screaming on the floor, the old me would have gotten quite afraid and stayed as far away from her as possible. But that didn’t happen that day at the camp. I felt a certain peace and calmness in me and I just naturally drew near to her and laid hands on her and prayed for her. Even as she continued screaming, I didn’t flinch but instead leaned even nearer to her and started whispering and releasing words into her ear. And know what? She stopped screaming and a blissful smile appeared on her face! Clearly God's hand was at work within both of us!
Many other “smaller” incidents took place that revealed to me that I wasn’t the same me as in the past. Then I realized that I didn’t say anything that upsetted lao gong anymore too! N I finally understood what was wrong. I kept thinking I was close to God cos I did my quiet time regularly but really there wasn’t that very deep communicating kind of relationship with Him. During the church camp, when my faith n my relationship with Him deepened, my relationship and communication with lao gong turned out fine too!
So now I know I really really need to seek Him every day, every minute and trust in Him. It’s easy to have a good relationship with Him at the camp but to maintain it when I come back to Singapore with its many distractions is the difficult part. I pray that the changes I experienced at church camp would be a permanent one, and God will continue to do His work in me, to continue changing and molding me and build my faith in Him to the next level. When we broke camp, Ivy came and told me that God will bring the work that He has started in me to completion. I want to hold on to that and believe that God was using her to speak to me and affirm me. Hope this long story didn’t bore u. ok I need to go. will update on the other aspects and photos another day!
We used to have explosive arguments. Like this cannon. Thank God that is now history. After I learnt how to submit and lao gong learnt how to love =) By the grace of God =))
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