A new perspective

Last night I recieved a call from my mum about a 9 year old relative who needs to go for an operation that will cost a minimum of 10k and asked whether I could help contribute. I was pretty disturbed by the call bcos I didn't know how to broach the subject with lao gong as this was the first time such an issue arose ever since we got married.

Later in the evening, I approached lao gong who then told me to find out more from my mum first. About why the operation is neccessary and so on. Subsequently I told lao gong what my mum had elaborated to me. He kept quiet. The silence was killing me. Then I had the urge to put forth to him the reasons why we should give. But instead of letting my tongue run loose this time, I had an impression that I should just keep quiet and "leave the decision to the man." If he wants to know my opinion, he would ask me. It wasn't the first time I have impressions like this but usually I'm too strong-willed to be able to quieten my heart and seek the Holy Spirit's counsel.

Immediately after I decided to heed the advice of the impression, lao gong said, "What do you think?"

I was like Wow! Felt like IMMEDIATE answered prayers. Then I told him about how I felt and he asked me how much I wanted to give. When I told him the amount I had in mind, lao gong stared at me for a moment.

I was like oh no did I go too far?

Then he said, "So little?!"

I was like huh??? I explained that I felt it was unfair for me to ask for too much as that would be unfair to him since our money belongs to both of us and not just me. To make the long story short, the amount lao gong quoted was 5 times what I had in mind. I was quite flabbergasted. In the end we decided to ask my mum to find out how much more they need so that we would be using the money God entrusted us with wisely.

I learnt a big lesson. In the past, there were many occasions when I had preconcieved ideas about lao gong's attitude towards certain issues. As a result, I assumed certain negative reactions from him and reacted in a defensive way and strove to drive home my point to him, in other words to "have my way."

Yesterday was one of "those days". As usual, I had some preconcieved notions about how he would react to the matter at hand. But instead of taking the assertive and defensive stance, I decided to let God take control and trust that if it is right for us to give, God will speak to lao gong. And I know lao gong will obey. So it wasn't really that my character had changed in the sense that I no longer made assumptions. But what changed was the for the first time, in a situation where I had very strong opinions about something, I let God take control. And it not only gave me a new perspective of my lao gong, it also helped to change my character without me having to strive.

After I witnessed for myself how well things turn out when I let God in, I have a lesser urge to judge situations and think that i have to step in and take control. What I'm saying is that sometimes, it's very hard for us to change our character just because God says that such and such attitude is wrong. But when we submit to God and do it out of obedience, He will help mold our character and we very naturally change. Means that instead of working too much on our character, if we focus on building an intimate relationship with Him, our character will just change so naturally because we have seen how He works, when we allow Him to.

Can you imagine what would happen if I had been assertive and defensive? I think this would have happened.

When I told lao gong about the matter, I would immediately put across to him the message that we should contribute and if he doesn't, I'm going to get mad at him. This doesn't give him a chance to evaluate the situation and assess whether we should give. If he agrees to give, it wouldn't be out of him wanting to give, but out of him wanting to placate me.

Lao gong may also feel hurt about why I seem to care so much about my relatives and not consider the fact that it is unfair for me to expect him to give when it's not his own family and he hasn't even seen the relative before (it's a distant relative). He may also respond defensively and think, "Why should we give just because you think so." He would also point out to me that it is wrong for me to try to dominate again. Since I really wanted to help contribute and had already prepared my defense long beforehand, instead of immediately admitting my mistake (for not submitting), I would continue to argue and defend myself, and this probably would have escalated into a big fight.

Now because I gave him space to think and did not pressurise him into doing things my way, lao gong gives willingly and we have grown even closer. I have a better perspective and understanding of my husband and I see how very very wise God is. He had foreseen all this beforehand that's why He says that

Ephesians 5:24
...wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I am also able to trust in God more, because I've seen how He works in my life, when I allow Him to. Hope my testimony encourages you to let go of all your burdens and cares to God, and allow Him to take control of you. I trust that those who do that will enjoy not just a joyful and fruitful life, but also one that's full of excitement at the discovery of new relavations every day =)